ScotteVest Tec Hat: Pockets on Your Head
The One Place a Mugger Won’t Look
After reconciling with Sharon over the minor cheating incident, John and Sharon were taking a nice moonlit romantic stroll on the boardwalk. Out of nowhere a mugger jumped out of the shadows!
“Your money or your life! Hand it over!” The mugger threatened pointing a pistol at John.
John motioned towards Sharon and said “Honey, I think you should hand over your purse to this gentleman.”
“You damn right she better hand it over.”
“Please just leave us alone, we don’t want any trouble.” Sharon pleaded.
“Shut up! Now you hand over YOUR money punk!” The mugger jabbed John in the rib cage with the pistol.
“Sorry sir, I don’t have any money.”
“BULLSHIT!” The mugger cocked the hammer to his pistol. “I said. Give me your money!”
“Look…” John turned out all his pockets. All that came out was some lint, Mentos, a few condoms, and a pair of red panties. “See, no money.”
“What the fuck? Why you smiling at me?” The mugger slapped John across the face. The blow of the impact knocked John’s ScotteVest Tec Hat off his head. “You pathetic.” The mugger as suddenly as he had appeared vanished into the night.
Even though he had just been bitch slapped, John was still smiling. He picked up his hat, dusted it off, and placed it back on his head.
“Honey, don’t worry that piece of shit didn’t get everything. Remember how you were making fun of me for buying this hat with a bunch of pockets in it? Well, I put all my money in the hat. That loser didn’t get any of it!” John stated.
“Uh, John…why do you still have those red panties??”
What is it:
The ScotteVest Tec Hat. A functional baseball hat that has three pockets for you to store all kinds of goodies when you are out and about without other pockets. The pockets are huge, but you can carry stuff like it:
- coupons
- keys
- cash and coins
- passport (if you really stuff it in there)
- secret documents
- panties (again you would really need to stuff it in)
FuncFash-ness: 7.5/10
- Functional: 4/5 (not many hats that have pockets)
- Fashionable: 3.5/5 (baseball hats aren’t the most fashionable, but it looks just like an ordinary hat)
Where to Buy:
- ScotteVest: Tec Hat $20 (hat is toward the bottom of the page Last updated 7-26-09)
Features:
- 1 side zip discrete exterior pocket
- 1 hidden under-brim pocket (something those muggers won’t be looking for)
- Ear bud loops for your headphones
- Velcro strap closure
- Coolmax mesh lining (to keep your head ventilated)
- comes in 3 colors: Black, Stone, Charcoal Gray
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