Hapari Tankini Makes Your Breasts Bigger
I have to make a full disclosure here. When it comes to woman’s clothing I know absolutely nothing. However, today I learned about the tankini–the tank top / bikini hybrid swimsuit. According to wikipedia the tankini came about during the late 90’s, but I must have been too busy keeping track of bikinis to even notice “tankinis.”
I have google to thank for my tankini lesson. I was checking my email via gmail when one of the sponsored links came up. In this case it was the headline “Women’s Swim Tankinis” that grabbed my attention. At this point besides “bikinis” the only other “-ini” I was familiar with was Borat’s “mankini” (I’ll spare you the pictures…google it)
“What the hell is a tankini?” Was my first reaction and of curiosity followed where I had no choice but to click and learn further. This lead me to Hapari’s Modest Tankinis page where some questions were answered, but more interesting questions were raised. I got the majority of my answers from the page description at the top.
Cool was my next thought. For women who don’t want to show the world their intimate parts they can cover up and not seem like too much of a prude. Oh, and look “every tankini swimsuit can be worn three different ways: halter, tank, and criss cross!” That’s pretty neat buy one tankini and have three different ways to wear it.
However, in my haste in reading, I missed the coolest / weirdest part about Hapari’s tankini.
What? It has pockets for silicone breast inserts? When I hear “silicone” and “breast” used in the same sentence I immediately think of breast implants. So according to this description not only are there 3 ways to wear the tankini, but there’s also a breast implant slot where you can slip in different silicone inserts and achieve “Illusions.” Illusions, which I can only interpret as “illusions” of bigger breasts (perhaps instead of women getting breast implants they should get breast “illusions”). But how big can the “illusion” get?
For $19.99 you can purchase the “Full Illusion” silicone insert which will increase your breast size from 1.5 to 2 full bra cup sizes and is also safe to be used in salt water and chlorinated pools. These guys think of everything. Though, I wonder does silicone float?
In the end I had an educational day and was thoroughly impressed by the state of women’s swimwear. I thought women’s clothing was pretty boring (except for the dissolving bikini), but the Hapari Tankini has proven me wrong by creating a modest swimsuit top which can be worn three different ways and features magical “illusion” technology which will enhance breast size. I guess the final question is when do men get our “Illusion” technology?
FuncFash-ness: 8/10
- Functional: 4/5 (three different ways to wear it and breast “illusion” inserts)
- Fashionable: 4/5 (Looks pretty good, but then again I don’t know what a Tankini is supposed to look like)
Where to Buy:
- Hapari: Tankini Modest Swimwear various styles $20.99 – $48 (last updated 8-18-09)
Features:
- Wear as a halter, criss cross, or tank top
- Features inserts for silicone breast enhancements
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