FuncFash » beer

Giant Beer for Giant Men

The Man — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 06:38:00 +0000

Be the big man in the dorm room and campus with your giant sized beer glass! Don’t down bottles of Old English or any other type of 40, that’s just ghetto. This beer mug is king.

I love this glass, it beats beer bongs and downing it in plastics cups that’s for sure. No more Keg Stands please! Plus the ladies love it! They can’t help take sips out of your monstrous glass and then make out on the keg’s you used to fill your glass with (my camera, true story):

This beer glass makes sure you don’t baby sit otherwise you’d be sippin’ on warm beer! You only need to buy 3 because that’s the average per 15 MEN that wants to use this sucker.

FuncFash-ness: 9/10

Functional: 4/5 (drink fast to prevent warm beer!)
Fashionable: 5/5 (establish yourself as the beer king)

Where to Buy

Vat19: 5-for-1 Big Bottom Giant Beer Glass $11.95

Features:

BIG and manly
Thick and strong
Holds 5 cans of beer guys!

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Beer Pouch Hoodie Sweatshirt

Armanstein — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 01:34:04 +0000

The Third Hand You’ve Always Wanted

Ok I admit, it looks pretty silly. You probably are thinking “I don’t need this. If I need to put down my drink to use my other hand, I’ll just put it down.” Yes, you can do this, but do you really want to risk it? This is what could happen if you don’t have the Beer Pouch Hoodie Sweatshirt.

Risks of Not Owning the Beer Pouch Sweatshirt:

Someone will knock over your drink
You will knock over your drink
An animal will knock over your drink
An earthquake will knock over your drink
Someone will drug or poison your drink and then murder, rape, or burn you alive

Are the risks of not owning the shirt worth it? I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to go out of this world being burned alive. So what is the shirt good for?

Benefits of the Beer Pouch Sweatshirt:

Great for standing up/eating events: bbq’s, house parties, hiking, etc…
Conversation starter and ice breaker (indirect way to pick up chicks)
Perfect for needy girlfriends/boyfriends who always want you to hold their drink
Prevents people from slipping a roofie into your drink

If that doesn’t convince you maybe this video will:

Some common questions/concerns:

Won’t I get wet by sticking my drink there? No, not only is the beer pouch lined with nylon to keep you dry, it also keeps your drink cool.
That’s great and all, but I don’t drink beer. Don’t drink beer? What’s wrong with you? Well, that’s fine. The beer pouch can hold all kinds of beverages thanks to its nifty elastic band. So you can go back and drink your “Mike’s Hard Lemonade.”
It’s kind of ugly, people will laugh at me. True, it’s not Abercrombie and Fitch, but the benefits outweigh the fashion. When they spill their drink, you will have the last laugh. Wear the sweartshirt with these barefoot shoes and you’ll truly be dressed to impress.

FuncFash-ness: 6.5/10

Functional: 4/5 (your own personal cupholder where ever you go)
Fashionable: 2.5/5 ( look pregnant or be mistaken for a kangaroo)

Where to Buy:

Vat19: Beer Pouch Sweatshirt $35.95 (last update 7-24-009)

Features:

Nylon insulated pouch with strong elastic band
90% cotton / 10% polyester
Pouch is 5.5″ x 6″
Comes in Medium, Large, Extra Large (no women’s sizes yet)

UPDATE:

I found a homemade “DIY” workaround for women who wish to have their own version of the Beer Pouch Sweatshirt. Click the photo below (word of caution it’s NSFW). Enjoy.

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The Dolores Chiller

The Man — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 08:05:00 +0000

Messenger Chick Magnet

The Delores Chiller is a sexy multifunctional bag mainly used to store BOOZE or anything else you want. I’ve brought it on vacations, tailgates, house parties, to the beach, you name it. Like they say, it looks like a messenger but it’s really a cooler, bottle opener, and a chick magnet. That’s right, I said it, a frickin chick magnet. Quirky chicks that are very patriotic and love beer coolers dressed up as a messenger bags. The inner lining was surprisingly strong. I’m pretty rough with this bag and it’s been holding up so far.

Top 5 favorite ways I’ve used my Dolores Chiller in no particular order:

1) Tailgates and football games! I Parked 3 blocks from campus, dropped by my friend’s apartment and filled up my bag with ice and beer. I rolled up to the middle of campus with my bright ass bag. My friends spotted me and in the bright red white and blue asked me what the hell I was carrying and thought I brought my work with me to the tailgate. I opened up the bag filled ice, Dos Equis. Pacifico and Coronas and the awes ensued.

2) Travel bag. I usually bring my laptop backpack with me to business trips. When I first got the bag I was pretty amped so I decided to bring it with me to my next business trip to San Francisco just to test out its durability and to see if I can find any use in it besides tailgates. Not only did it fit my laptop, work folders, it had additional room in the front for my USB drive, pens and small notepads. On the weekend I emptied the Dolores Cooler of my work stuff and filled it back up with beer and ice =).

3) Attention Whoring. OK, so it’s not exactly a chick magnet and it would be awesome if it came in some non July 4^th colors, but I’m a social being and when I bring work with me to a coffee shop or Starbucks, people do stare and notice. “What? Oh, that’s right, my bag’s hotter than yours” is my new pickup line.

4) Picnic and beach bag. Sandwiches, panini’s, Pinot Grigio, crackers, cheese and hummus at the Hollywood Bowl. I first got the idea at the 4^th of July fireworks show at the Hollywood Bowl and the Dolores Cooler has proved the be an extremely useful picnic bag ever since.

5) Bottle opener. This damn thing has a built in bottle opener too…. Need I say more?

There you have it, my jurassic five. Usually items we review lean more toward the functional or fashionable side, but this is one item I deem equally functional AND fashionable.

FuncFash-ness: 9/10

Functional: 4.5/5 (Does exactly what its supposed to and does it well)
Fashionable: 4.5/5 (Colors are OK USA! Although variety would be nice)

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Where to Buy

Timbuk2: $110.00 (last updated: July 15, 2009)

Features:

strong inner lining
holds 12+ beers (although I’ve done more)
comes with bottle opener

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